to choose or not to choose life – that is the question.

ļoti senas pārdomas par dzīvi un manu eksistenci. vnk tā kā priekšā ir grūts mēnesis augstskolā, lai nepadotos un neaizmirstu gribējās šo tekstu atrast. and i did. ^___^

"I choose not to choose life. ♥ "
why.?
because you need to be perfect, you need to do this and that, you need to grow up, you need to fight about your dreams & beliefs, you need to love others even if you don't like them, you can't do what you want without thinking about others, you need to be graceful and charming, shiny and made of perfectly polished glass - you just need to be like others want you to see.
i am who i am and if you don't like me the way i am well then i just don't care. i won't change and be the way you want me to be. i just won't. you can shout, you can be angry, you can hate but i won't be a plastic doll without feelings that can't stand up for myself.
fight, be uncontrollable, be rebel and be a heroe who won't lose his identity and will save the world from plastic dolls with fake smiles and mechanical gearwheel heartbeats. from the thousands of judging eyes and hundreds of condemnatory lips telling you how good-for-nothing you are and how unacceptable you are to others who are perfectly glanced and made from fake aristocratic etiquette.
instead i have a pure soul, red blood in my veins, heart that beats for people i love and who are what they want to be truly. blue tears when i am sad, harsh words when i am angry, smile when i am lighthearted and serious when i fight for my greatest dreams.
i refuse to be controlled by this program of perfectness and lies. to wear a plaster of happiness when i am wounded, to stay down on that cold floor of punishment even when i am not guilty, to surrender when i am so close to my goal and to die from the first rusty bullet of pain.
i am the hero and the one who will stand up for myself and the truth not lies. i won't pretend and be white, perfect and controlled by the ropes of person who makes marionettes of life that other people want to see and be proud of them. and then after some years forget about us in dark, dusty corner of attic of existence. exchanging us for new technology dolls who can talk, walk and most important lie that no one ever will find out.

un manas pārdomas toreiz tapa dēļ šī gabaliņa no trainspotting (john hodge):
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

skan: shiny toy guns – i promise you walls.