not today.

šodiena ir pelēkos toņos krāsota. negribas doties ārā. negribas pamosties. tā vien šķiet, ka vakar kāds visas krāsas aizšāvis kopā ar salūtu. prom.. iestājusies tāda kā melanholija. varbūt pat nedaudz sentiments. nezinu. negribu zināt. šodienu veltīšu dzejoļiem, domām un skumjām dziesmām. jo tā šķiet būs gluži vnk pareizi. es ieelpoju savu karsti kūpošo brīvdienu kafiju un sajūtu vakardienu. dienu ar jauku nobeigumu. jā, es gremdējos vakardienas trakumā. un zilās krāsas maigajā pieskārienā. un tava brūnā skatiena apburošajā šarmā.. viss, man pietiek. es eju izskrāsot šodienu. es paņemšu pasteļkrītiņus un izkrāsošu šodienu spilgtās krāsās. krāsās, kas aizrauj tavu elpu. es uzzīmēšu tev un man, un citiem smaidu. uzzīmēšu sauli, smieklus un mīlestību. man nepatīk pelēkais. man vajag krāsas. jā, es izkrāsošu savu šodienu ar pasteļkrītiņiem, lai lietus to nespētu aizskalot prom. šodien nē..

mazas daļiņas no manas dzīves:

*you taught me to
burn the preludes from the books
that i read
because what happens
before
is insignificant..

*sometimes you called me and mumbled incoherencies through the receiver. once you said, ‘I know I did the wrong thing, I know I lied… but I still love you.’ i watched the phone cord unravel until the telephone hit the floor and broke. even in your confessions, you always lied..

*we used to keep our wishes
in glass jars
to save them for later.
we stored them on the shelf in your office.
your cat knocked mine over
and it splintered into eleven shards.
I cleaned it up and replaced it with an
empty
identical one
and I never told you..

*his eyes had always been this burning amber color, like melted honey spread on crisp golden toast, like the sun just before it kisses the horizon. he probably had never known just how beautiful they’d been..

*he's always been the kind of boy
who lacks luck, or tact, or fame.
he's just there, like a wisp of smoke or
forgotten candy wrapper..

*one day she says her heart is probably smashed
into three-thousand little pieces, and that the only way to fix it
would be to get a brand new heart.
Instead she just wears a heart-shaped sticker
on the left side of her shirt,
and smiles
because stickers are replaceable.

*i love a
boy who doesn't love me,
or at least i did once. a little. or maybe i didn't..

*maybe you’re the one who tries to count the snowflakes as they fall, laughing when white flurries hit your cheeks.
you love running down the powder-dusted hills, but hate leaving footprints in your wake, because you cannot stand to look back and see that you destroyed something so beautiful. (again.)

*m^{aybe you're the one who promises you won't lie to yourself anymore, but you know that’s a lie in itself..}

^{un ar šo pēdējo dziļo domu šķiet šodienai pietiks. citādāk es atkal sākšu sev melot. un smaids pazudīs vien pāris sekundes simtdaļās. bēt smaidīt, taču ir tik sasodīti jauki. ^___^}

skan: secrets in stereo - not today, secrets in stereo - happy, 3OH!3 - still around, anjulie - addicted to me, matt nathanson - sing me sweet, the spill canvas - this is for keeps.